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Why the pressure? Just relax.

Something important I learned before I turned 30

Old society told us ladies that we needed to be married and have babies young. Medical professionals believed that our biological clocks stopped working earlier than what we know now.

I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mother. I am a very nurturing person and anyone who has seen me around kids knows that I am meant to be a mom.

The combination of wanting a child so badly, “needing” to be married, and not acknowledging my sexuality put me in a few pretty terrible relationships. My partners weren’t always bad people… we just didn’t work.

This mess really put me in some tough places mentally and emotionally. At 25 I experienced a tragic loss. I had a glimpse into motherhood and had it been taken away in a matter of what felt like seconds. I was abandoned by someone who manipulated me into hanging on to their every word. Want to talk about feeling inadequate? I could not have felt less worthy than I did then. We’ll talk more about that in a few weeks.

What I learned from that experience was this:

  1. I did not need anyone in my life to become a mother

  2. No one will ever have control over me again

  3. No one will ever make a decision for me

  4. I am worthy of all the good things in life

  5. My sexuality does not determine whether I become a parent, or not

I set so many expectations for myself. I remember wanting to be married by the time I turned 21, having kids by my mid 20’s and retiring by 45. What the hell? What universe was I living in? Not that there is anything wrong with this. Please don’t get me wrong here. I know plenty of people who have the most fulfilled lives, that have done this. I seriously praise you for this!

This wasn‘t for me. When I finally accepted that, the pressure just lifted. I am building my own life. I will create a baby however I want. I will be with whoever I want. I will retire whenever I want. I also will never rely on anyone else to “take care“ of me. No single person should have that kind of control over another human.

I have new life goals and I am pretty happy about them… ready?

  • I’ll get married when I find the right partner!

  • I’ll have a baby when the time is right and I am in a place mentally, emotionally, and financially to support another life

  • I will probably never retire because I want my future family to never be burdened by finances. Residual and passive income in the future! You can easily earn money without having to actually work

  • Live life to the fullest, travel often and live well

I’d love to hear some of your life’s goals. What would you change? What advice would you give someone in their 30’s? Someone in their 20’s?

Life is what we make of it! Get creative and have fun doing it.

Let your sun shine ☀️

xoxo Kody


Hi, thanks for stopping by!

Just a 30 something here, who has not figured life out but definitely is trying to. Thank you for taking the time to read my wise words (insert eye roll). I hope you enjoyed it and will stick around for more! 

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